Tomorrow, Sept 4, marks the day Emery died and our nightmare began. It is very difficult to wrap my mind around the fact it has been three years. How is it possible we have lived like this and without her? I know we stay busy and have had some great family trips and outings but there is never a moment we don’t wish Emery was a part of our experiences and nothing is as fun, exciting or memorable when we do it without her.
It’s been a challenging year for me, beginning a new job where no one knows our history. Sharing selectively with people what we’ve been through and always getting a response, “I don’t know how you do it”. We aren’t given a choice, I mean I guess there are options to avoid living with this reality but we get up every day, get through every day and hope that at some point in our lives it won’t be this difficult. The pain causes a numbing effect and there is still a heavy cloud of grief, we have learned to stuff it away but it is always there, just not evident to others.
I’ve been asked, “what are you going to do this year” [on Sept 4]? And I honestly don’t know, this may be the extent of it. I honestly don’t want to acknowledge it because it is so incredibly painful. Giving back to others is always the one thing that helps us get through these tough milestones. This year we’d like to raise $3,000 to support research that will help other heart transplant children and families avoid this tragic outcome.
We have so many friends & family who support us and that is honestly “how we do it”. We couldn’t survive our nightmare without the outpouring of love we continue to receive, we are eternally grateful to you.